I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
