im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
