I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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