What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
