i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
