5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
