Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Fuck appropriateness.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
