Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
