Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
