You can't special order awesome
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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