Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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