When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
