I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize