Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
