Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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