Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
