Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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