After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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