So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
