Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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