I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
