I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
