And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize