Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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