Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
