I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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