Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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