she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
