Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
