Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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