when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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