How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
