I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize