Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
