I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
