Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
