I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
