is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
