I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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