This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
not ubering you a puppy
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