Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
