Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
