Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
