Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
