I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
