3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
