Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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