true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
