Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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