I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
