If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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