he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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