You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
