You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm like, not good at living.
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