You're my little dorito
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
