There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
