can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
