I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
