my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
