Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
