am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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