was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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