You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
