She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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