you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
