i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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