forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize