Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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