Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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