I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
one might say we're banned from that church
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
