3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
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