Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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