One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
