she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
