I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
