y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
