If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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