Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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