Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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