The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize