Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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