I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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