i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
