Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
