He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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