Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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