Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
