Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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