have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
