wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
