you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
