Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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