His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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