I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize