i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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