Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
