They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
