After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
