i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
