youre lurking in front of me
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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