He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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